Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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