his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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