GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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