If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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