I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
