He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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