yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We got so high we made milksteak
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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