I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
