I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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