i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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