Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
