i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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