Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it wasn't lemon gatorade
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
