I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
