Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
