Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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