My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
