and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
