meet me or not, i'm out of control
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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