I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
is that a dick in a sweater?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
