So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
