i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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