There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
