so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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