Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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