Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize