FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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