she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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