Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
