Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
