i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
