Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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