I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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