We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
