Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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