I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
