well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
