And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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