I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
