end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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