just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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