i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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