I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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