I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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