i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
