His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
