Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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