I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize