I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Drunk walkin through police station. America
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
