Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
