Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
