Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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