your room smells of hookers.
And success
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
