is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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