think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
