I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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