I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
