I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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