Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
