im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize